My Answer
by Lilac Bloom 11
Summary: Izzy is always looking for an answer for every question that appears on his way. But what will he do when the riddle lives inside him?


_Hi there! As you may see, I'm back in the business of writing fics so expect updates of Weird Imagination and Non-Fiction soon (I've already posted chapter 3 of both of them). But I don't only write long fics which I update once per Millennium (not really...). I also like to write short fics or one-shots as you call them. I've already written 4 and this is one of them. I really hope you like it. A warning? This fic has a good amount of sap, but not as much as my Takari songfic, which is longer and I'll post it later. No romance, some drama (I wouldn't call it angst), no violence, one bad word and just one character: Izzy. See you later! =)_

**My Answer**

**By Lara**

Damn it! I swear that as soon as I earn some money I'll throw this stupid computer through the window and I'll buy a computer that'll really work fine, one that'll never freeze and that'll never erase my files...although I think that'll happen only in the first few months because then it'll broke and I'll have to pay a technician or buy new software and that means that I'll pay more money to Bill Gates for an almost new computer...geez I think this is like a never ending circle for us, the common people who still can't get understand the Martian language of computers, even if we are in the middle of the year 2022.

Although, I know one guy who has always been able to understand this stuff and he even enjoys it. He's not afraid of computers, software and technology in general, quite the opposite, he handles them with so much security that it amazes the people around him. It's other kind of stuff the one that makes him feel insecure...afraid...and it's that stuff what brought him to me many years ago, when he was only eleven.

Who am I, you ask? Well, my name, age and sex don't matter. I'm just a person who need to have it's feet on Earth in order to join other people in their journey through their inner self, but who also need to be enough idealistic to give hope to these people...to let them know that their problems will be solved if they want to. I know my limits and it's this knowledge what helps me pass the other's limits...I'm a therapist.

But back in our original topic...this guy went to me one hot afternoon of May. It was so hot that I had to open the windows to let the cool air refresh my office. I was watching the cars in the street when the door was opened and he entered the room. He was an 11-year-old boy who was very short, his hair had the reddest tone I've ever seen and his big black eyes were glowing with curiosity as he examined every inch of my office as he entered.

- "Hello"- I said giving my hand to the kid. He looked insecure as he took it. 

- "Good Afternoon"- he whispered. I had to make an effort to listen to him. His eyes were fixed in the ground.

- "Sit down Koushiro"- I said as I offered him a chair. He obeyed and sat near the open window. When I took my place in front of him I noticed that he was looking at the cars.- "Did you have problems to find this place?"

- "No, I live a few blocks from here"

- "Oh really? Since when?"

- "I was 6...I think I was pre-school"

- "I see. So, What can I do for you, Koushiro?"- the boy looked at my eyes for a few seconds before fixing them again in the floor.

- "I'm here because my teachers and the principal at my school asked me to do it"

- "Why?"

- "It's not the grades!"- he answered quickly- "It's just that the principal thinks that I'm...that I'm _weird_"

- "You don't seem like a weird kid to me Koushiro"

- "You can call me Izzy"- he said smiling.

- "OK, _Izzy_, I don't think you are weird. Why would the principal think that?"

- "Because I don't like to play outside...because I don't like to talk to many kids and because I spend a lot of time with my computer"- he said imitating his principal's tone of voice. 

- "I see..."

- "But that's just the way I am! They don't understand it!"

- "And what's your opinion?"

- "About what?"

- "Do you think you are weird?"

- "Well...I do..."- he said sadly- "But I don't know why"

- "Would you like to know why?"- I asked totally aware of Izzy's gigantic curiosity. It worked because the boy looked at me for a longer time.

- "Of course"

- "Good. I think we'll get along well..."

------------

_(Session #5)_

- "And what have you been doing Izzy?"- I asked

- "Nothing really. I've been working the whole week"

- "What kind of work?"

- "I'm designing a program that'll help people to convert their MP3 to Wav files"

- "Oh..."- I didn't understand so I decided to change the topic- "Tell me something, When did you start liking computers?"

The boy thought about his answer for a moment and then he replied- "A long time ago"

- "And why do you like them?"

- "They're interesting. You can find a lot of useful information in them and they can also help you create new knowledge"

- "I must admit that I'm impressed that a boy as young as yourself is so interested in "knowledge", What do you want to know?"

- "Stuff..."

- "Which kind of stuff?"

- "Many kinds...math, physics, astronomy..."

- "Do you like astronomy too? I have a telescope and I spend every night watching the stars and other planets. I often wonder if there are other worlds like the Earth with living creatures...do you agree?"

Izzy looked like if he was about to explode because his face was very red. But he managed to mumble something.

- "Yeah..._other worlds_"

-----------

_(Session #10)_

- "We haven't talked about your parents Izzy"- I said after he finished explaining what he did that week.

- "Well...um..."

- "Don't worry. If you aren't ready for that topic, we can talk about it later"

- "It's not that but..."- Izzy's eyes were again fixed in the floor- "The truth is that...I'm adopted"- I already knew that because I talked with Mrs. Izumi weeks before, but I wanted to know about Izzy's feelings towards this situation. I remained quiet so Izzy could talk freely.

- "...my parents...my _real_ parents...they died when I was a baby...and then the Izumi adopted me"

- "When did know about your parents?"

- "Since I was 8"

- "The Izumi told it to you?"  
- "No...I heard them talking in the living room...but I never let them know that I already knew the truth...they told me everything one year ago..."

- "And how do you feel about that?"

- "I believe that they had their reasons for keeping this as a secret...I think that..."

- "I don't want to know what you think"- I said interrupting him- "I want to know how do you _feel_ about your adoption"  
- "I...I..."- Izzy remained silent but then he whispered- "I was afraid?"

- "Excuse me?"  
- "I was afraid!"- he exclaimed as he tried to hold his tears. Izzy had already told me that he hated when other people saw him crying.

- "If you need to cry Koushiro, you can do it. There's nothing wrong about showing your feelings"

- "I..."- he said between sobs. Some tears were already falling down his cheeks- "I was afraid...afraid of not being liked or loved by them..."

- "Izzy..."- I sighed.

- "Because them...they had another baby and he died and then...I arrived...and...I want to be as good as their other baby...so I'd be loved, just like him"- he sounded so much younger when he said that. It was like if he became that 7-year-old kid who discovered the truth behind a couch in the living room.

- "You don't need to be like the Izumi's first son. You are unique, Izzy. You don't need to prove anything"

- "It's just...they aren't my real parents...so I was afraid that they'd reject me and leave me alone...that's why I started being a nice kid. I stopped doing my pranks and jokes and decided to be the best son a mom and a dad could have. I started doing my homework alone and I always obeyed my mom. My grades got better and dad said that I was so smart that I could handle a computer so he bought me one. And since that day I became attached to it. A whole new world opened to me...so I started my search."

- "And I'll ask you this once again? What are you looking for? What's that knowledge you are so interested in?"

- "At the beginning I wanted to know where all the things come from...because I wanted to know where I came from...or at least that's what my Tento told me..."

- "Tento? Who's Tento?"

- "My best friend"

- "Where did you met Tento?"- Izzy remained silent once again

- "From summer camp. Mom and Dad sent me so I could meet other kids"

- "Did you meet other kids?"  
- "Sure. They are my best friends...we were a group and I was the smart one..."  
- "I see that you always need to confirm your intelligence Koushiro, why?"

- "Because that's the ONLY good thing about me! I'm not strong, or good at sports or popular...and all the kids in my school say that I'm weird"

- "Your friends too?"

- "No. But sometimes I was afraid of loosing them...so I tried to be useful"  
- "How?"

- "You know...just useful"- his eyes told me that he didn't want to talk about it so I decided to change my topic.

- "Returning to your love for computers. What are you looking for now?"

- "I'm not sure...I already know where I came from...I guess I want to know where I'll go in the future..."- he remained quiet and looked doubtful.

- "GO ahead Izzy"

- "I want to know...what am I doing here?...Why did I survive that accident?"

- "Which accident?"  
- "The one where my parents died...I'm alive...I have to do something in return...I've already done something but..."

- "But?"

- "But I think it's not enough...I'm not sure what I'm here for! WHat's the point of being smart! I'm just a weird guy"

- "You are not weird Koushiro...you are just different...and that makes you special"

-----------

_(Session #20)_

- "How have you been Izzy?"

- "Fine. I got an A+ in my math exam"- he said looking at the floor. Although we had been seeing each other for a few months, that boy still didn't dare to look my eyes for more than a few seconds.

- "Tell me something Izzy...Why do you never look at me?"- the question surprised him, because he looked at me ashamed for a few seconds.

- "It's just..."- but then his eyes returned to the floor.

- "There's it again! You keep looking at the floor. Why do you do that?"

- "I don't know...It's just that when I look at other people's eyes I feel uncomfortable"

- "Do you know that they eyes are the window to somebody's soul?"

- "Huh?"

- "That means, that the best way to know someone is by looking at his/her eyes"

- "So...you mean that I don't want people to know me?"

- "I don't know...do you think that?"

- "I think...I think it's true...I don't to know the people...because I don't want them to reject me"

- "Koushiro..."

- "I'm afraid that if they know my feelings...they'd reject me...because they'd know the truth about me..."

- "What truth? Come on Koushiro! Do you still think that you are pretending to be smart?"

- "Well..."  
- "But Izzy! You are smart! You were born that way. You aren't pretending. After all this time I've discovered the real you and I know that you are a nice boy with good feelings...they are buried under your shyness but that doesn't mean that the people who love you can't see them...like your parents or your friends"

- "My friends...I never look at them in the eyes either...I prefer to fix eyes on my computer's screen...sometime I don't even listen to their words"

- "Why?"

- "I think...that my computer is like my refugee...because it won't reject me or hurt me...like the others..."

- "But a computer is not a person Izzy, you are. And people need to be with other people"  
- "I..."

- "Let's try something Izzy. I want you to start looking at the people's eyes when you talk to them...even smile. Then you'll tell me how you feel next week"

- "It's not easy..."

- "One step at a time...I'm sure you'll do it..."

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_(Session 21...The Next Week)_

- "So, how was it?"

- "It was weird...people looked at me strangely and asked me I was sick or something"

- "I guess that's because they aren't used to that behavior in yourself. But tell me...how do you feel?"

- "I felt...fine. When I looked into their eyes I realized that they were glad to have me near...although I'm not sure why..."

- "Well kid, I guess it's time for you to start loving yourself"

------------

I worked with Izzy a for a couple of years, focusing in his self-esteem. With time and some hard work he finally understood that he was a special boy and that he didn't need to use his computer as a shield, he'd only use it to satisfy his curiosity. That there were people who would reject him...but that there were also people who would accept him, with his good and bad parts. People who also sometimes felt insecure like him...so he wasn't that "weird" after all. In those months he taught me a lot about computers and I must say that the kid really had talent. I decided to end the treatment one week before he entered to Junior High.

- "Well Koushiro, This is it. Remember that the best way to solve your problems is giving them your best face and not hiding who you really are"

- "Thank you"- he said blushing. He had changed a lot in the last months and was more open to people...but he'd always be a shy boy...that's the way he was born.

- "Is there something more I can do for you?"

- "I'm afraid that I never answered my question about why I'm alive...my reason to live"

- "You're only 13. Time will give you the answer to all your questions"

----------

It's been 20 years since that day. I know ,thanks to his mother, that he didn't have big trouble through High School and that he even made some new friends. But then I totally lost contact with him...I wonder how is he now?

_I turned off my computer and left my office. I checked my mailbox, expecting the bills for that month...but I only found a closed yellow envelope without an address or other kind of data. I almost put in the trashcan, but I think that my curiosity was bigger than my paranoid characteristics, so I opened it. _

_Inside the envelope there was a picture which looked new. A red-haired young man was there holding a small boy in his arms. The kid looked not older than 5 years and had brown hair and black eyes which glowed with curiosity. Both of them were smiling and the man's eyes were fixed in the camera, as if he wanted to look at my soul. When I turned to the back of the picture I found written just one line..._

**This is Mik: My answer.**

THE END 


End file.
